I hate this..
Things are finally clear. After all this time of sitting around thinking I’m the dumbest person in the entire world for falling for your shit, you finally admit how you really feel… You spent my last days in town with me and made me feel like the most important thing to you. You kissed me, and held me so tight, I could barely breath. You let your wall down… showed the person I always knew you were. It was amazing. We spent our last few hours together in my room. The one place my mom specifically didn’t normally allow boys to be in. It was okay this time. And we spent all of our time talking, cuddling, kissing, and smiling at each other. It was bliss. Everything I could have possibly wanted. It was total bliss. Between kisses, he would just stop, look at me, and smile. I kept asking him what he was smiling about and he had no excuse for it. I knew what he was thinking… I knew exactly what was going through his mind because it was the same thing that was going through mine. But it’s too late. He has finally come to how he really feels about me… and he figures it out 15 minutes before he says goodbye to me as I leave for college. How can you do that to me… I am supposed to be going off to college. Starting a new chapter. Studying for exams, going to parties, dating boys, everything. The FULL college experience. I was so prepared for it. But no. Now this happens. My best friend confesses that he’s in love with me… This complicates everything. Now I wear his bracelet he gave me… I dread the day that it stops smelling like him. I can’t stop talking to him… but then again it hurts to know I won’t see him for 3 weeks. This situation is already horrible. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. Not to mention someone feeling that way back for me. This makes me even more jealous when he hangs out with girls, or when I hear that he’s headed to the club. I’m just so torn about it all. I know that God has a plan. A plan that I may never fully understand or like, but it is his plan. I know I need to trust in him and his plan, I just can’t handle the heart ache.